Grammys 2022: A Sordid Review

Grammy Nominees via AP

by Altea

Overall, I was wildly disappointed with this year’s Grammys. Typically, there’s at least enough entertainment value to get me through the boring parts, but I experienced an overwhelming urge to turn off the TV the minute that Trevor Noah made an Encanto reference during a candid conversation with Bruno Mars. (If you didn’t watch, I’m sure you can infer what it was based on that information alone.)

The one thing I truly enjoyed, however, was this year’s outfits. Maybe it’s become something of an accidental trademark for me to review various outfits from pop culture events that occur on Sunday nights, but there’s worse things to be known for.

SZA

via CBS

SZA wore a very Taylor-Swift-at-the-2021-ceremony-reminiscent dress, and I’m really living for it, to be perfectly honest. While Taylor Swift’s dress was the first thing I thought of it when I saw it, the key differences add more definition to the look (the gauzy train, the short sleeves, etc.) One of my favorite things about this outfit is the corset-style skeleton on her waist, it adds a classy aesthetic touch.

Olivia Rodrigo

via CBS

If my inclusion of this dress on this list surprises you, then I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I have seen some online backlash against Olivia’s vintage Vivienne Westwood dress, which actually makes me quite sick to my stomach. The moment I saw this dress, I gasped aloud. The sparkly purple and black color combination is giving 90s goth, and the opera gloves just bring it all together, adding a level of formality. I’m wildly obsessed with this look and will be thinking about it for the rest of my life. 

Kelsea Ballerini

via CBS

I had actually never seen Miss Ballerini before in my entire life until I saw this red carpet picture, and had only distantly heard of her. I have absolutely no idea who she is, what sort of music she makes (does she make music?) or anything about her other accomplishments. My only experience with Kelsea Ballerini is this dress, and so I am completely besotted with her, as with the dress. Everything about it is beckoning to my heart: the black-and-white color scheme, which you can never go wrong with, the white bow, the slit, the sparkles, I’m utterly entranced by the aesthetic appeal. 

Doja Cat

via CBS

This is another Olivia Rodrigo-reminiscent dress, which I immediately fell into love at first sight with upon locking eyes with it. Doja Cat appeared in a mint/teal (?) sheer Versace dress, with a glass purse and silver jewelry to match the sequins on her dress. Upon careful inspection, it’s been deciphered that her purse has candy in it, which only adds to the appeal of the whole ensemble. The platinum blonde hair goes so well with the entire thing, the spikes are reminding me of a mermaid, which matches the sea green colors of her dress. I’m so obsessed with the microbangs, and can’t begin to articulate my overall infatuation with this whole thing.

Valentina Ferrer

via CBS

I have absolutely zero idea who this woman is, even less so than Kelsea Ballerini, but I’m very intrigued by this dress. It’s an ombré disco ball-influenced dress with champagne-colored tassels at the end. The neck forms a turtleneck shape, and it forms a mermaid-tail shape on her body. This dress heavily stood out to me because it makes me feel nostalgic for a time that I can’t exactly remember, if that makes sense. I feel as if I was alive for whatever decade this dress could be pulled out from, but the fact that I can’t even recognize the appropriate time period makes me think otherwise.

Overall, it’s safe to say as soon as these five women of varying degrees of relevance adorned my screen this fateful night, I promptly threw my remote against the wall and ran for the hills. If you’re hoping to elicit any sort of viewing pleasure from an awards show this year, I’m afraid the Grammys was not the place to be. Just ask Taylor Swift.

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